28/04/2022 - I don't ask questions because ...

"Why didn't you ask for it?" shouts everyone in frustration and I can't explain it, so I just get scared and flustered.

We had a potluck in school and everybody got cake except me because mummy had written that I should avoid sugar so the teachers didn't give me cake. But I am allowed to eat cake and desserts sometimes. This made me feel very upset because I was left out and I felt like crying. It made my head hurt. I could not control my irrelevant talk and my body felt unregulated because of the anger. Even though I felt like this, I didn't ask my teachers for cake because I couldn't problem solve because of the anger and sadness inside my head. My head was feeling jumbled and unregulated and at that time I could not think clearly and organise my thoughts.

Something similar happened in my online class with Ms. Ujwal. It was really sizzling hot and the fan and AC were off so I couldn't keep my attention button on. I couldn't understand anything Ms. Ujwal was saying. My body and my head felt like it was stuck in an oven like the Gingerbread man. The hot summer heat makes me feel lazy, sick, sweaty and my brain stops working. I couldn't problem solve and put on the fan, because my head was jumbled. As soon as mummy put on the AC my brain began to work.

Maybe when my brain is jumbled I should try to stop and ask myself what I need. Maybe that can help me. I can try out this strategy.

Mum speaks

I feel incredibly frustrated and disheartened when Reh doesn't advocate for himself. It seems so ridiculously simple and straightforward to most of us and almost unimaginable to think that he finds it so difficult. Reh writing this piece has given me a better insight into the problem. Maybe now that I know where the breakdown occurs, we can put our heads together and 'problem solve" as Reh says.