02/09/2024 - My head is not transparent

Till some weeks back I thought that everybody could hear my thoughts and feelings in my head and I thought everybody's thoughts and feelings were the same as the ones in my head. It was a big shock for me when I understood that nobody could read my mind and people can only understand if I speak out loud with my mouth.

All this time, I used to feel very angry and frustrated, that no one could hear my answers. When someone asked me a question I used to answer in my head and no one would understand so they would keep repeating the question. This would make me feel very nervous. Then I would think my answer is wrong and so I would keep changing my answer and get very confused and upset. All questions used to make me feel scared because everybody would be getting angry at me for not answering even though I had answered in my head.

I used to feel sad and bad that nobody was listening to the thoughts in my brain. Sometimes I would be telling mummy a story or asking for something but she would not hear me or speak to me and that made me confused.

Now I understand that my thoughts and feelings are in my head and no one can hear me unless I speak up from my mouth. I'm feeling relieved and now I understand that everyone was not being mean to me or not listening to my thoughts, answers and feelings that I felt but they really could not hear my words.

I'm still getting used to this new concept and many times I forget and mummy has to remind me that my head is not transparent. Hopefully now I will be able to speak up all the time.

Mum speaks

What a revelation! Until a few days back Reh thought I could hear what he was thinking in his mind. Its amazing how clueless I still am and how the puzzle pieces fall into place as I unravel bit by bit every little while.

My Autism consultant Carol sent me a post by Lisa Galley an Autism consultant and parent. Lisa Galley spoke about how her autistic son thought people could hear what he was thinking when he was little. I instinctively knew that Reh must think the same and sure enough he confirmed it multiple times. In fact it is so deeply ingrained in him that even now when I talk to him I have to keep reminding him that I cannot read his thoughts magically. The neuro diverse mind never ceases to intrigue me and parents like me, keep learning on this journey as we explore.