06/11/2022- Being independent makes me anxious

I really want to be independent and do things by myself. Like going for a haircut by myself , answering the door when there is a stranger asking questions, crossing the road by myself, or just going and buying something from the shop by myself. But being independent makes me anxious because of many reasons. I feel safe when someone who knows me is around me.

I find it difficult to talk to people. When I'm on my own and I see someone I feel that the words get cancelled in my head and then I get stuck, that is when I need someone who knows me to help me with my words.

I find it hard to talk relevant to people because the words have got cancelled so then I start to say random things that come to my head. This makes people feel uncomfortable and then they don't know how to talk to me. Then I feel anxious and I don't know what to do so I just become quiet.

I find it hard to problem solve quickly. It takes me a long time to think what to do and this makes me nervous and confused.

I find it hard to remember all the instructions that are given to me. Like remembering all the things I need to tell the barber or what I should ask the person on the door.

I find it confusing when I have to pay because I am yet learning how to use money.

I find it difficult when things suddenly change. Like if the lift is not working or someone asks me a different question.

I know other children my age can do more than me but I have also become more independent since I was a child. I go down for a walk on my own, I make phone calls on my own, I make my own breakfast, I go pick up things from my neighbour's house.

I 'm working on it with mom. We talk about it and sometimes I do role plays to make it easier for me. We try to problem solve so that I don't feel anxious.

I am going to keep blogging about this as I learn to do more exciting things by myself.

Hope you keep reading.

Mom speaks

Every parent strives for independence for their neurodivergent child. It is the biggest challenge we face as parents. We try to push for the best results and secretly hope they can do more than what we thought possible. Yet there is that sense of fear of letting them go and of things going wrong when they are alone that tug your heart strings constantly. It is a tight rope that we walk cautiously everyday with a little fear and that ecstatic elation that one feels when our child manages small baby steps forward once in awhile.

I always knew Reh was motivated to be independent and more like his peers. Yet, he felt challenged and frustrated that he couldn't do some things. But in our conversation when he spoke about being 'anxious' , I began to view his challenges from a new perspective. For the first time I realised he is walking the same tight rope as me. He felt the same sense of excitement and achievement but that was coupled with a sense of anxiety and fear too. So while I address the issue of making him independent I need to be sensitive to the emotional upheaval he is feeling. Only when I am able to equip him with the tools to deal with both the anxiety as well as the other skills required, will he become fearlessly independent and confident .